We posted these relationship resolutions this time last year…but they’re really good! I tweaked them a little bit, bringing out the benefits of these resolutions and offer them again this year. The thing about relationship resolutions is the best advice is timeless. Diet fads and the science behind the best diets seem to change all the time. But the ingredients for making love work are as constant as a favorite recipe that never fails to deliver satisfaction and joy. Besides…if you’re new to our blog, this will be new for you! ~ Enjoy!
1. Resolve to understand that your partner is a reflection of you. Whatever you like or do not like about him or her, it is in you too. This helps you take what you don’t like about them less personally and focuses your attention where you can make the most difference – within you.
2. Resolve to take 100% responsibility for everything that shows up in your relationship. Either consciously or subconsciously, you are creating your relationship. To begin to make positive changes, accept that and realize that everything that shows up in your relationship (the results of your relationship) is your creation.
3. Resolve to be an adult with your romantic partner, rather than a child seeking a parent or a parent seeking a child. Usually, couples begin as a pair of adults when they fall in love. As you become more committed to each other and feel more like each other’s family, you tend to project expectations on to one another that actually are between you and your parents. Resolve to show up as an adult in love rather than as a needy child.
4. Resolve to listen carefully and deeply with your ears and your eyes before speaking. Many disagreements between couples occur because we only listen with our ears, refusing to pay attention to any other signals, and then trespass on our partner’s feelings because we didn’t pay attention.
5. Resolve to choose a more positive feeling/memory/attitude during a fight, rather than escalate the arguing. It’s so easy to perceive each other as the enemy when you are simply two people in love who sometimes make mistakes. If you can remember this and stop perceiving each other as the enemy, communication will improve.
6. Resolve to appreciate each other’s sense of humor and learn to laugh together freely and often. When you perceive each other as the enemy, it’s hard to appreciate each other’s sense of humor. You can find yourself tolerating his jokes or her innuendos from resentment and lose out on the opportunity to express and grow more joy together.
7. Resolve to accept your own and each other’s parents as they are, appreciating the fact that you have each other to love. This resolution almost requires a whole book! You can find more information in our book at www.GettingBacktoLove.com as well as at www.SystemicFamilySolutions.com. Briefly, the information that informs this resolution boils down to this: If those in-laws, who may drive you crazy, hadn’t given birth to your beloved, you would not have him or her to love!
Happy New Year ~ and may 2010 be prosperous and full of compassion for us all!