The topic of aging gracefully was introduced to me when I was a fresh faced child whose first crow’s feet wrinkle was years and years away. When my mother spoke to me about the value of aging gracefully, she used that conspiratorial tone that told me we were women talking about the subject of women and so I needed to pay attention. I always listened with rapt attention, even taking mental notes, whenever she used that tone.
On my mother’s side of the family, in regards to the women who preceded me; I not only had a grandmother, I had three wonderful great aunts, a first cousin-once-removed who was my grandmother’s age, and another first cousin-once-removed who fell somewhere between my mother and my grandmother in age.
It was a matriarchal family on that side and they all handled aging differently. Two of them sort of let themselves go a little bit. Four of them did not, which means they always dressed smartly, wore flattering make up and hair styles, and were generally happy. One deeply resented getting older. She was the reason my mother pointed out to me the difference between aging gracefully and…not. An older sister aged the most gracefully – in fact, she embodied aging gracefully. She personified grace, beauty, inner peace and radiance. Her childhood nickname had stuck to her for her entire life for a reason, christened Cora Ruth; we called her Dear because she was so very dear.
My mother couldn’t help but compare the sisters, particularly Dear and the youngest sister and determine that a happy life depended in part on aging gracefully. Being more intimately attuned to these women than I was, she also knew that it all came down to attitude. Dear embraced life and understood that aging was the privilege of those who did not die in their youth. Every day of her life was a gift to be used for the joy of others and her own joy. Her smile, laughter, warmth, and compassion were infectious! The twinkle in her eyes belied the fine lines also found there.
My mother and I share the same Scots-Irish complexion as her mother, aunts, and cousin. Thinking we can avoid wrinkles altogether is a waste of energy and if we let their arrival make us feel resentful, we’re making a choice for immaturity over emotional and spiritual growth. These days, when Hollywood and fashion magazines give advice to begin getting “work” done as early as a woman’s thirties, it means the face that has had the benefit of plastic surgery simply looks like a different kind of aging from the face that ages naturally.
To age gracefully is a choice. Depending on one’s personality, it might be hard or easy to make; but it is a choice. When we choose it, it becomes a gift. I’m grateful to my mother and Dear for showing me the way.