In chapter six of A New Earth, where Eckhart Tolle talks about breaking free of the pain-body, he uses an example of a mama’s boy trapped in an ever perpetuating cycle of unsatisfying relationships with women due to how his mother’s early rejection affected the man’s pain-body.
It’s a perfect example of how a mama’s boy can look very different from the stereotype. This mama’s boy isn’t tied to apron strings – he’s macho and a seducer. Here is what Eckhart says (it’s on page 179 of the paperback version of A New Earth):
“A man who had been an unwanted child and was given no love and a minimum of care and attention by his mother developed a heavy ambivalent pain-body that consisted of unfulfilled intense longing for his mother’s love and attention and at the same time intense hatred toward her for withholding what he so desperately needed. When he became an adult, almost every woman would trigger his pain-body’s neediness – a form of emotional pain – and this would manifest as an addictive compulsion to ‘conquer and seduce’ almost every woman he met and in this way get the female love and attention that the pain-body craved. He became quite an expert on seduction, but as soon as a relationship turned intimate or his advances were rejected, the pain-body’s anger toward his mother would come up and sabotage the relationship.”
Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth is the kind of book that, once you’ve read and absorbed it, you think you may never need to read another self-help book again! Which isn’t good news for me, since that’s my business! In the meantime, for women and men who recognize this scenario of the mama’s boy as seducer and bully, there is hope for healing and creating satisfying relationships.
Eckhart would tell us that acknowledging the pain-body’s reactions to craving a woman’s love, obtaining, and then abusing it is what will break the cycle. In other words, when a mama’s boy observes his craving for the next woman and acknowledges it as his pain-body craving his mother’s love, that observation alone releases the pain-body’s hold on the man at least for that moment. The more he can make this observation, the more the pain-body’s hold is lessened.
I would add that for a woman who attracts such men into her life, observing what it is in her that creates seduction followed by abuse and abandonment will release her pain-body’s hold on her that keeps her in unsatisfying relationships.
In a real sense, there is a yin and yang to the mama’s boy/daddy’s girl dance. It isn’t a beautiful yin and yang though. For every action and reaction a mama’s boy commits that does damage, there is a reaction and action on the part of the daddy’s girl in his life that contributes to the damage as well.
When each of them, either on their own or together, begin to address the memories, experiences, emotions, and thought processes inside that drive their behavior, freeing themselves to make new choices (no matter how uncomfortable the new choice), they create a new life for themselves where the yin and yang (the feminine and masculine principles) between them can become beautiful expressions of harmony and love.
I strongly recommend both Eckhart’s book and our own, Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart. I make these recommendations especially if the pattern of seduction, bullying, and abandonment exists in your relationships.