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IDEAL RELATIONSHIPS

MAMA'S BOYS & DADDY'S GIRLS

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"In our first meeting Joseph helped me to see the true causes of my problems, the causes that dwelled within me - my relationship to myself. He soon initiated me into the path of self-love, which has drastically altered all the important relationships of my life in such a positive way that I could have never imagined."

- Robert Lee Camp

A Few Thoughts About Daddy's Girls

Whenever I am in a situation in which I have the opportunity to share thoughts about mama's boys and there are women present, I usually get a similar reaction. A few moments of thoughtful, possibly shocked, silence then moans and groans as the truth sinks in and then a barrage of questions that revolve around, "What can I do for my partner, he definitely is a mama's boy as you describe it?" Then the outpouring of behavioral traits such as: "He leaves all the important decisions to me!", He makes me do all the bill paying and keeping of the family books!", I can't get him to do anything around the house!" "He won't participate in parenting!" "If only he wouldn't go into a rage when I try to talk about...!"

So here's the hard truth, there's absolutely nothing you can do to assist a man to move out of the sphere of influence of his mother. Anything you do will put you in the active, dare I say it, masculine role. This is exactly what makes a man a mama's boy; women taking the lead in his life. Anything you try to do for him or to him simply deepens the already existing pattern in his life.

I should note that my interest doesn't lie in the field of manipulation. There are many books and techniques whose purpose is to manipulate someone of the opposite sex. Nor is my interest in "How to fix your partner so they will be the person of your dreams." My fear is that such approaches simply put a band aid on serious underlying dynamics in a relationship and will eventually lead to frustration and resentment.

Where does that leave the partner of a mama's boy? My suggestion is the same for women as it is for men. Begin with yourself! It has been my experience that whenever I find a mama's boy in a relationship, I also find a daddy's girl. In our society today, this term "daddy's girl" usually has positive connotations and many women refer to themselves with pride as a "daddy's girl." The truth is that it is as difficult for a women who continues in the realm of influence of her father to have a successful relationship as it is for a mama's boy. Please understand that this is not a value judgment, it's just a common observation. Every dependent (mama's boy) need a co-dependent (daddy's girl) and vice versa.

The danger is not that you will marry a man like your father. The danger lies in marrying a man whom you can care for as you did your father or other father figure. A woman who remains in the sphere of influence of her father has to some extent had the experience of replacing her mother in emotionally, physically or spiritually caring for her father. Such a woman consciously or unconsciously seeks out other men who will let her take care of them, even demand that she take care of them. Just as the path to healing for mama's boys has to do with the men moving into the influence of their fathers, the path to healing for daddy's girls has to do with the women moving into the influence of their mothers.

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