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MAMA'S BOYS & DADDY'S GIRLS

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"In our first meeting Joseph helped me to see the true causes of my problems, the causes that dwelled within me - my relationship to myself. He soon initiated me into the path of self-love, which has drastically altered all the important relationships of my life in such a positive way that I could have never imagined."

- Robert Lee Camp

Becoming a Mama's Girl

I was tempted to suggest that a first step might be to become familiar with the material on this site concerning mama's boys. There can be a significant benefit in understanding that this behavior is a result of family dynamics and not an indication of weakness of character, obstinacy, etc. But there is a real danger there. It turns your attention back to him and off yourself. Just as you are not your husband's problem, no matter what he thinks, your husband is not your problem no matter how logical that appears.

Because family systemic dynamics are the underlying foundation for the patterns of adults who do not have a solid identification with their same sex parent, there is possibly no better approach than that of Systemic Family Constellations developed primarily by Bert Hellinger. Please visit www.systemicfamilysolutions for more detailed information.

Perhaps a complete answer to this question would take a book or it could be as simple as Bertold Ulsamer's words "If somebody is a daddy's girl the healing power comes through the connection with the mother - but from the role of the child and not of the rival. So honoring sincerely the mother in a constellation is very helpful."

I'll address a few thoughts to it as succinctly as is possible.

1. Bertold Ulsamer's words are the main starting point: "If somebody is a daddy's girl the healing power comes through the connection with the mother - but from the role of the child and not of the rival. So honoring sincerely the mother in a constellation is very helpful." Taking your mother is imperative! This is your connection to the Feminine Field, a woman's source of power.

2. Some effective method of self-discovery. So much of our behavior is driven by unconscious dynamics. Being able to go deeper and deeper is critical. I start out with my clients with a system called The Cards of Destiny but any good system such as the enneagram works. Find a system that feels right for you.

3. Being willing to embrace all aspects of you! Or as Bert Hellinger says, acknowledge what is. It is easy to become self destructive and self hating as we open ourselves what we consider to be to our "darker side," those parts of us we work so hard to keep hidden even from ourselves. Sit in front of a mirror faithfuly everyday and repeat "I love you."

4.Take responsibility for your life. Everything that happens in your life is a reflection of you! Take responsibility for it and embrace it.

5. Embrace a spiritual path that is right for you.

6. Create or find an active women's support group. I tell men, "Men express masculinity with women but they refresh it with men." The same is true for women, "a woman expresses her femininity with men but refreshes it with other women."

Be patient. For me, it's a path not an outcome.

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