Actors Derek Luke and Simon Baker understand this relationship dynamic between them and their wives!
The other day, I teased Joseph in front of a mutual friend. My teasing was meant to make both of them feel seen. The teasing wasn’t mean spirited. Joseph perceived it in the spirit in which it was delivered – as cute and funny! It was meant to make both men feel seen because 1) as the one on the receiving end, Joseph would naturally feel seen. 2) as the friend was brought in as my co-conspirator, I intended him to feel seen in the process. Instead, I got teased back by the friend for being an uptight control freak!
He just didn’t get it. I was going to explain myself but as he went on about my personality deficiency, I just gave up. Later, I checked with Joseph to make sure he had received my playful teasing in the spirit in which it was delivered. He did. We talked about how after a couple has been married for awhile, teasing begins as a way of saying, “I love you and I see you!” It’s an intimate practice that is safe as long as the husband and wife insure that respect of dignity and cherishing of feelings are foremost in their minds and hearts.
I recently read two different interviews where Simon Baker and Derek Luke credited their wives with keeping them grounded by teasing them with “You’re not all that,” whenever the pedastles fans put them on began feeling too real.
Being real with each other is one of the benefits of married life and/or of a long term, committed relationship. Teasing is a way of keeping it real as long as there is no betrayal of trust involved. Mistakes happen, even in healthy relationships, but they are followed with immediate apologies and maybe a little bowing and scraping until the balance is realigned.
If onlookers don’t get it, a wink, a tickle, and some shared laughter ought to set the record straight that an inside joke was just shared ~ another bit of couple intimacy to enjoy!